I always wanted to be writer. I can remember making up stories and making little "booklets" using bond paper and staples. I tried to illustrate these creations but unfortunately I am a better writer than I am an artist. When I got older, I used to write about how I wanted my life to go. I'd use my friends as inspiration or movies and other books. I used to write poems - about love, heartbreak, beauty, sadness, anger. I would feel a sense of satisfaction if I got to write what I felt down on a piece of paper and have these words express what I really and truly feel.
What happened?
When did I get so lazy? Was it complacency? Did I think I was good enough already? Or was it fear? Fear of being criticized? Or insecurity? Am I just not good enough? I guess a bit of all those things. I don't really know.
Do I want to write more? Yes.
Do I want to write for a living? I don't know.
My boss told me that I would never make a lot of money if I did. And okay, yes to some extent, she's right. What I need right now is financial stability. But oh... to be able to do something that I love. To be my own boss. To have people read what you have to say and think "she makes sense." That would just be the awesome-est.
When I started this blog, I promised myself I'd write more and I don't think I've been able to do that. Is this for 2010 instead? Will I have to make a twenty-ten blog? For now, I guess I'm glad I got this out and its been good to be able to type it, though I'd much prefer pen and paper.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Denied Visa: The September Updates
Today would've been my last day at the office.
Some four weeks ago, I mentioned that it was hasta la vista Spain for me. But I got to talking with the boss/ immigration head who said give it a few weeks or months for my head to clear, and confirm my plane booking. Confused with the metaphor? So am I. This topic is wearing me out a bit so I'll not talk about it until I figure things out.
So what awesome thing have I done lately?
I did the Sky Walk! 36 floors above ground, hella scary but I'm happy I did it. Only about a meter (?) wide and only a harness keeping me from dying. Forty-five minutes later, my legs are drenched from the sweat. Would I do it again? NO. But should you? YES!
Visit Sky Experience Adventure's website for rates and rides - http://www.skyexperienceadventure.com
Some four weeks ago, I mentioned that it was hasta la vista Spain for me. But I got to talking with the boss/ immigration head who said give it a few weeks or months for my head to clear, and confirm my plane booking. Confused with the metaphor? So am I. This topic is wearing me out a bit so I'll not talk about it until I figure things out.
So what awesome thing have I done lately?
I did the Sky Walk! 36 floors above ground, hella scary but I'm happy I did it. Only about a meter (?) wide and only a harness keeping me from dying. Forty-five minutes later, my legs are drenched from the sweat. Would I do it again? NO. But should you? YES!
Visit Sky Experience Adventure's website for rates and rides - http://www.skyexperienceadventure.com
Monday, August 3, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
The One Where I Decide to be almost as Emo as when I was a 16-year old
I hate wearing watches. I always have. Whenever I'd be given one as a birthday or a Christmas present, I'd wear it for a day and then stuff it back in its box and leave it forgotten in the dresser until I'd discover its batteries have run out and the hands no longer tick.
But since I've been working for six months, I've been wearing a plain silver watch that my Papa gave my Mum how many years ago. I used to always say, I'd never wear a watch. If I would ever wear one, it'd be purely as an accessory. 'Who needs a watch, when your mobile phone can tell the time?'
But I guess things change. You grow up, get over the watch 'rashes' and stop wearing leather straps.
Is it a coincidence? Me wearing watches after Papa died? Yes. But can I use it a metaphor? Definitely.
See, I've never thought I would get to this age. I always thought I would die at a young age just because I didn't have all the answers, because I couldn't see the future - because everything was uncertain. And I hate uncertainty. I rarely take chances and abhor the idea of regret.
When I was in high school, I couldn't decide on what course to take because I simply couldn't see myself beyond the carefree life of high school. In college, when I had finally settled on a course, I couldn't decide what I wanted to do in life because I couldn't see myself doing anything else except study. When I did get into my first job, I was afraid to quit because I had no idea what else I could do out there in the 'real world.' And now finally on my second job, I am still lost and teetering at the edge of 24 into 25 years old and still afraid of not having achieved anything.
Wearing a watch has served as a constant reminder. A reminder of the hours, minutes and seconds that pass by that is ultimately time that I'll never get back. Time that I have wasted.
Loosing someone so important in my life hit me so hard, it might as well have been right between the eyes. Death is inevitable. The time that we have now, we have to spend with the people we love and doing the things that we are passionate about. I read all these articles and hear advice from friends that failures are life's greatest teachers. We have to fail, we have to experiment, we have to make mistakes and start over and rise above, to succeed and to soar.
So as I look at my watch and weigh the months, days and weeks that I'll never get back and the months, days and weeks that I have yet to live, I'd rather spend this time fucking up and learning the hard way. Because if regret is my worst fear, I'm going to do my damndest to make sure it never catches up with me.
So I guess what I've been trying to say is that I'm resigning from Spain. When exactly? I don't know yet. The important thing is that I've decided. And its a huge load off my chest.
If HR reads this, I guess they'll have to blame the watch.
But since I've been working for six months, I've been wearing a plain silver watch that my Papa gave my Mum how many years ago. I used to always say, I'd never wear a watch. If I would ever wear one, it'd be purely as an accessory. 'Who needs a watch, when your mobile phone can tell the time?'
But I guess things change. You grow up, get over the watch 'rashes' and stop wearing leather straps.
Is it a coincidence? Me wearing watches after Papa died? Yes. But can I use it a metaphor? Definitely.
See, I've never thought I would get to this age. I always thought I would die at a young age just because I didn't have all the answers, because I couldn't see the future - because everything was uncertain. And I hate uncertainty. I rarely take chances and abhor the idea of regret.
When I was in high school, I couldn't decide on what course to take because I simply couldn't see myself beyond the carefree life of high school. In college, when I had finally settled on a course, I couldn't decide what I wanted to do in life because I couldn't see myself doing anything else except study. When I did get into my first job, I was afraid to quit because I had no idea what else I could do out there in the 'real world.' And now finally on my second job, I am still lost and teetering at the edge of 24 into 25 years old and still afraid of not having achieved anything.
Wearing a watch has served as a constant reminder. A reminder of the hours, minutes and seconds that pass by that is ultimately time that I'll never get back. Time that I have wasted.
Loosing someone so important in my life hit me so hard, it might as well have been right between the eyes. Death is inevitable. The time that we have now, we have to spend with the people we love and doing the things that we are passionate about. I read all these articles and hear advice from friends that failures are life's greatest teachers. We have to fail, we have to experiment, we have to make mistakes and start over and rise above, to succeed and to soar.
So as I look at my watch and weigh the months, days and weeks that I'll never get back and the months, days and weeks that I have yet to live, I'd rather spend this time fucking up and learning the hard way. Because if regret is my worst fear, I'm going to do my damndest to make sure it never catches up with me.
So I guess what I've been trying to say is that I'm resigning from Spain. When exactly? I don't know yet. The important thing is that I've decided. And its a huge load off my chest.
If HR reads this, I guess they'll have to blame the watch.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Beautiful Mindanao
These are the photos that I haven't been able to post. Family trip last June.
I've been toying with the idea of living in Mindanao. Life is relaxed and easy and none of city stress. I'd like to live there but have wi-fi and bigger rest rooms please. hehe Those are my conditions.
Photos!
Watch as the beach goes from this....
Family completeness in Dakak Beach Resort, Dapitan, June 3, 2009
Winning photo of 2009
At Eriberta Spring Resort
It's as cold as it looks
I've been toying with the idea of living in Mindanao. Life is relaxed and easy and none of city stress. I'd like to live there but have wi-fi and bigger rest rooms please. hehe Those are my conditions.
Photos!
Watch as the beach goes from this....
...to this in two hours time.
Family completeness in Dakak Beach Resort, Dapitan, June 3, 2009
Winning photo of 2009
At Eriberta Spring Resort
It's as cold as it looks
Monday, June 15, 2009
Two months of my life
My last post was in March! Two whole months! Horrible.
I've really been having trouble with blogging. But lately, stuff that I've been doing for work is pushing me to write more. Write for myself I mean. Writing press releases are easy enough, but doing lifestyle writing is something that I'm seriously considering. I do find myself lingering over classified ads when there are openings for reporter or correspondents. But oh, that's for another day.
So I'm already what we call at the office a "big girl" of sorts. Literally, yes, I'm a big girl. But a Big Girl is one who can plan and implement an event from start to finish. That's a feat for me I think. I know I still have a lot to learn and the dynamism of a mall keeps things interesting.
I just hate the pressure that comes along with the job. But then again, what job doesn't push you over the edge? But enough about work.
Family is good, my sister graduated from university last March and after only two months of being a bum, has already found employment at our grade school alma mater. Mom is swamped with work but has her Tayong Dalawa obsession to look forward to most nights. Big bro has taken in clients and is having his own private practice. Lil' bro is on his second year of college. It's looking good.
Love is good. Still on schedule with the once a month visit. It's something to look forward to every month. :)
Travel highlights: Bantayan with Mom, Ahia and Poy last May. Zamboanga del Norte-Misamis Oriental-Misamis Occidental-Zamboanga del Sur roadtrip with everyone plus Lolong during the first week of June for Grandfather's birthday. It was fun except I got LBM during the roadtrip. Photos to follow!
I'm due for Boracay in the weekend. Am hoping it's not going to rain the whole time I'm there.
I've really been having trouble with blogging. But lately, stuff that I've been doing for work is pushing me to write more. Write for myself I mean. Writing press releases are easy enough, but doing lifestyle writing is something that I'm seriously considering. I do find myself lingering over classified ads when there are openings for reporter or correspondents. But oh, that's for another day.
So I'm already what we call at the office a "big girl" of sorts. Literally, yes, I'm a big girl. But a Big Girl is one who can plan and implement an event from start to finish. That's a feat for me I think. I know I still have a lot to learn and the dynamism of a mall keeps things interesting.
I just hate the pressure that comes along with the job. But then again, what job doesn't push you over the edge? But enough about work.
Family is good, my sister graduated from university last March and after only two months of being a bum, has already found employment at our grade school alma mater. Mom is swamped with work but has her Tayong Dalawa obsession to look forward to most nights. Big bro has taken in clients and is having his own private practice. Lil' bro is on his second year of college. It's looking good.
Love is good. Still on schedule with the once a month visit. It's something to look forward to every month. :)
Travel highlights: Bantayan with Mom, Ahia and Poy last May. Zamboanga del Norte-Misamis Oriental-Misamis Occidental-Zamboanga del Sur roadtrip with everyone plus Lolong during the first week of June for Grandfather's birthday. It was fun except I got LBM during the roadtrip. Photos to follow!
I'm due for Boracay in the weekend. Am hoping it's not going to rain the whole time I'm there.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Let's do this.
My first event has come and gone and I've forgotten to chronicle it. I think if we had tabbed browsing at work I'd work less. Seriously. Let me bring this blog up to speed. What has happened since my last post:
1. So I was assigned to come up with a tactical event for International Women's Day, March 8. I don't think I sucked. But again, its the uncertainty that always gets me.
2. I ran around 4k at a "Fun" Run. Yey! Baby steps. Or rather run for a couple of minutes, walk for ten minutes and jog for a minute. And that is how people don't win marathons.
3. Started paying household bills with my first month's salary. Saved 20% of it too!
4. Went to Manila for my cousin Karlo's wedding to long-time girlfriend Gaki.
5. I saw Watchmen! Not as bad as they said it would be. But must read the Wikipedia entry. Hehe
I guess that's it. I can't think of any more. OH!
6. I lost three pounds since I started working. Woohoo! Am aiming to lose a pound a week. At this rate... I'll be in the normal BMI range in..... X years. I'll be keeping this to myself thanks very much.
1. So I was assigned to come up with a tactical event for International Women's Day, March 8. I don't think I sucked. But again, its the uncertainty that always gets me.
2. I ran around 4k at a "Fun" Run. Yey! Baby steps. Or rather run for a couple of minutes, walk for ten minutes and jog for a minute. And that is how people don't win marathons.
3. Started paying household bills with my first month's salary. Saved 20% of it too!
4. Went to Manila for my cousin Karlo's wedding to long-time girlfriend Gaki.
5. I saw Watchmen! Not as bad as they said it would be. But must read the Wikipedia entry. Hehe
I guess that's it. I can't think of any more. OH!
6. I lost three pounds since I started working. Woohoo! Am aiming to lose a pound a week. At this rate... I'll be in the normal BMI range in..... X years. I'll be keeping this to myself thanks very much.
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