Last post of the year

This is it, seven minutes more and the year is over. I can't say that I've kept up my end of the bargain in maintaining this blog but it's been a start. Earlier this evening I spoke to Poy about how its hard to think of 2009 in the positive when I've been going through some hard stuff at work. It seems that there are more bad stuff going on rather than good stuff. It's hard but I have to be grateful for the past year and I look forward to a better, healthier and happier 2010.

With that I'll be signing off... Happy new year! :)

It's December already?!?!

Things are certainly becoming clearer as 2009 draws to a close. There are realizations and decisions that have to be made. I am excited and afraid at the same time. I think that I have finally accepted that not everything is clear-cut and black and white. I know that I shall have to stay in the grey area for some time just until I wade through it and get to the other side.

Sheeet. Emo.

But seriously 2009 has been a year of revelations and self-discovery. Here are just some that I've been able to think up:

1. I like cutting and pasting pieces of paper.
2. My weakness is Oh Georg's Chocolate Decadence and Cheesecake.
3. I don't like to be kept waiting.
4. I'm an old soul.
5. I'm insecure of the success of people especially those who are younger than me.
6. I like math.
7. and budgets.
8. I love to write but can't seem to keep at it.
9. Which makes me think that maybe it's not the best career choice if I can't sustain it.
10. I'm an emotional eater, which is horrible.
11. I really missed Gino this year...
12. but we're still together so that means I'm making this long distance relationship work.
13. I'm protective of my family.
14. I can be rude and tactless sometimes.
15. I rely on reinforcement and support from people when I make serious life changes.

15 should be a good enough number... but really if there's anything that I've learned this year (and also from the company-mandated 7 Habits Seminar) is that I have to take responsibility for my life and what I've made of it.

2010 should make for a very interesting year. :)

The Write Thing

I always wanted to be writer. I can remember making up stories and making little "booklets" using bond paper and staples. I tried to illustrate these creations but unfortunately I am a better writer than I am an artist. When I got older, I used to write about how I wanted my life to go. I'd use my friends as inspiration or movies and other books. I used to write poems - about love, heartbreak, beauty, sadness, anger. I would feel a sense of satisfaction if I got to write what I felt down on a piece of paper and have these words express what I really and truly feel.

What happened?

When did I get so lazy? Was it complacency? Did I think I was good enough already? Or was it fear? Fear of being criticized? Or insecurity? Am I just not good enough? I guess a bit of all those things. I don't really know.

Do I want to write more? Yes.
Do I want to write for a living? I don't know.

My boss told me that I would never make a lot of money if I did. And okay, yes to some extent, she's right. What I need right now is financial stability. But oh... to be able to do something that I love. To be my own boss. To have people read what you have to say and think "she makes sense." That would just be the awesome-est.

When I started this blog, I promised myself I'd write more and I don't think I've been able to do that. Is this for 2010 instead? Will I have to make a twenty-ten blog? For now, I guess I'm glad I got this out and its been good to be able to type it, though I'd much prefer pen and paper.

Denied Visa: The September Updates

Today would've been my last day at the office.

Some four weeks ago, I mentioned that it was hasta la vista Spain for me. But I got to talking with the boss/ immigration head who said give it a few weeks or months for my head to clear, and confirm my plane booking. Confused with the metaphor? So am I. This topic is wearing me out a bit so I'll not talk about it until I figure things out.

So what awesome thing have I done lately?



I did the Sky Walk! 36 floors above ground, hella scary but I'm happy I did it. Only about a meter (?) wide and only a harness keeping me from dying. Forty-five minutes later, my legs are drenched from the sweat. Would I do it again? NO. But should you? YES!

Visit Sky Experience Adventure's website for rates and rides - http://www.skyexperienceadventure.com

Thank you, Tita Cory

Corazon Cojuangco Aquino
1933 - 2009

The One Where I Decide to be almost as Emo as when I was a 16-year old

I hate wearing watches. I always have. Whenever I'd be given one as a birthday or a Christmas present, I'd wear it for a day and then stuff it back in its box and leave it forgotten in the dresser until I'd discover its batteries have run out and the hands no longer tick.

But since I've been working for six months, I've been wearing a plain silver watch that my Papa gave my Mum how many years ago. I used to always say, I'd never wear a watch. If I would ever wear one, it'd be purely as an accessory. 'Who needs a watch, when your mobile phone can tell the time?'

But I guess things change. You grow up, get over the watch 'rashes' and stop wearing leather straps.

Is it a coincidence? Me wearing watches after Papa died? Yes. But can I use it a metaphor? Definitely.

See, I've never thought I would get to this age. I always thought I would die at a young age just because I didn't have all the answers, because I couldn't see the future - because everything was uncertain. And I hate uncertainty. I rarely take chances and abhor the idea of regret.

When I was in high school, I couldn't decide on what course to take because I simply couldn't see myself beyond the carefree life of high school. In college, when I had finally settled on a course, I couldn't decide what I wanted to do in life because I couldn't see myself doing anything else except study. When I did get into my first job, I was afraid to quit because I had no idea what else I could do out there in the 'real world.' And now finally on my second job, I am still lost and teetering at the edge of 24 into 25 years old and still afraid of not having achieved anything.

Wearing a watch has served as a constant reminder. A reminder of the hours, minutes and seconds that pass by that is ultimately time that I'll never get back. Time that I have wasted.

Loosing someone so important in my life hit me so hard, it might as well have been right between the eyes. Death is inevitable. The time that we have now, we have to spend with the people we love and doing the things that we are passionate about. I read all these articles and hear advice from friends that failures are life's greatest teachers. We have to fail, we have to experiment, we have to make mistakes and start over and rise above, to succeed and to soar.

So as I look at my watch and weigh the months, days and weeks that I'll never get back and the months, days and weeks that I have yet to live, I'd rather spend this time fucking up and learning the hard way. Because if regret is my worst fear, I'm going to do my damndest to make sure it never catches up with me.

So I guess what I've been trying to say is that I'm resigning from Spain. When exactly? I don't know yet. The important thing is that I've decided. And its a huge load off my chest.

If HR reads this, I guess they'll have to blame the watch.

Beautiful Mindanao

These are the photos that I haven't been able to post. Family trip last June.

I've been toying with the idea of living in Mindanao. Life is relaxed and easy and none of city stress. I'd like to live there but have wi-fi and bigger rest rooms please. hehe Those are my conditions.

Photos!


Watch as the beach goes from this....

...to this in two hours time.

Family completeness in Dakak Beach Resort, Dapitan, June 3, 2009

Winning photo of 2009

At Eriberta Spring Resort

It's as cold as it looks

Two months of my life

My last post was in March! Two whole months! Horrible.

I've really been having trouble with blogging. But lately, stuff that I've been doing for work is pushing me to write more. Write for myself I mean. Writing press releases are easy enough, but doing lifestyle writing is something that I'm seriously considering. I do find myself lingering over classified ads when there are openings for reporter or correspondents. But oh, that's for another day.

So I'm already what we call at the office a "big girl" of sorts. Literally, yes, I'm a big girl. But a Big Girl is one who can plan and implement an event from start to finish. That's a feat for me I think. I know I still have a lot to learn and the dynamism of a mall keeps things interesting.

I just hate the pressure that comes along with the job. But then again, what job doesn't push you over the edge? But enough about work.

Family is good, my sister graduated from university last March and after only two months of being a bum, has already found employment at our grade school alma mater. Mom is swamped with work but has her Tayong Dalawa obsession to look forward to most nights. Big bro has taken in clients and is having his own private practice. Lil' bro is on his second year of college. It's looking good.

Love is good. Still on schedule with the once a month visit. It's something to look forward to every month. :)

Travel highlights: Bantayan with Mom, Ahia and Poy last May. Zamboanga del Norte-Misamis Oriental-Misamis Occidental-Zamboanga del Sur roadtrip with everyone plus Lolong during the first week of June for Grandfather's birthday. It was fun except I got LBM during the roadtrip. Photos to follow!

I'm due for Boracay in the weekend. Am hoping it's not going to rain the whole time I'm there.

Let's do this.

My first event has come and gone and I've forgotten to chronicle it. I think if we had tabbed browsing at work I'd work less. Seriously. Let me bring this blog up to speed. What has happened since my last post:

1. So I was assigned to come up with a tactical event for International Women's Day, March 8. I don't think I sucked. But again, its the uncertainty that always gets me.

2. I ran around 4k at a "Fun" Run. Yey! Baby steps. Or rather run for a couple of minutes, walk for ten minutes and jog for a minute. And that is how people don't win marathons.

3. Started paying household bills with my first month's salary. Saved 20% of it too!

4. Went to Manila for my cousin Karlo's wedding to long-time girlfriend Gaki.

5. I saw Watchmen! Not as bad as they said it would be. But must read the Wikipedia entry. Hehe

I guess that's it. I can't think of any more. OH!

6. I lost three pounds since I started working. Woohoo! Am aiming to lose a pound a week. At this rate... I'll be in the normal BMI range in..... X years. I'll be keeping this to myself thanks very much.

The Rain in Spain Falls Mainly on the Plain

Dear Mom, Please Send Reinforcements
Soooo Spain, it turns out... not so fun. At least not yet. Its a different kind of frustration from my old work. Its starting from scratch.

Learning everything.
Asking questions a gazillion times an hour.
Looking stupid.
F-ing up.
Memorizing names.
Forgetting people's names.
And my all-time favorite: Deciphering the numerous acronyms that jumble up the M's and N's and S's and Q's.

Its not a great feeling. I keep telling myself, give it time. you've only been there for three weeks. You'll GET it eventually - eventually being the key word here.

The Good Stuff
I love working IN a mall. I love how everything is there. So of course, there are SOME perks:

Window shopping on my lunch break.
Buying my favorite coffees and desserts.
The supermarket!
A thousand options for lunch.
Free passes to events.

I never thought I'd actually work in the mall where I spent so much of my adolescent life. Its kind of funny in a way. Maybe its a sign that I'm not supposed to grow up soon.

First Day Blues

I stared working for Spain yesterday. I spent most of the morning poring over forms, guidelines and work instructions and being introduced to people, 2/3's of which I can't remember anymore. There's a pantry with the usual stuff: microwave oven, refrigerator, table, water dispenser. By mid-morning, I was parched. But I didn't have my own mug. And rather than risking embarrassment in asking for spare mug, I decided to find out what it felt like to be dehydrated. I got my first drop of water around 12:10 p.m., nearly four hours since my previous sip of water at home.

In the afternoon I attended my first departmental meeting, which was one half update meeting, one half open forum/confessional. I had never experienced anything like that in my previous job before, and by anything, I mean the open forum. Words, terms, acronyms were all lost on me. So I wrote down words I didn't understand, spelling them only the way they sounded. I figure it'll take me a few months to get a hang of everything.

By 4:00 p.m., I was developing a major major MAJOR migraine. I was pinching the bridge of nose and my forehead to stop the pain. I smile and laugh at the appropriate times but I could already hear my own pulse - not a good sign. At 6:00 p.m., I was released from work, bid to enjoy these moments of going home early as this will be a rare occurrence in the future - a warning I've also heard from working at my old place of work.

I stumbled into the car, ate a quick dinner and by 7:30 p.m., I was in bed, feeling nauseous and my head wanting to burst into flames. And didn't wake up until 12 midnight, only to sleep again and wake up at 7 a.m.... for my second day of work.

THICK ABDOMINAL FAT

Those are three very painful words. Especially when they are spoken by a 60-something doctor, whom you've only met for five minutes. My body was characterized as having thus.

THICK ABDOMINAL FAT.

I wasn't always a tubster my whole life. Before the age of 12, I was normal. Not extraordinarily skinny, but my body mass index (BMI) wasn't in the overweight range either. I guess I always thought I'd shed the pounds naturally, baby fat if you will. But as I grew older, I ate more. Sweets especially. Oh how I love downing a pint of ice cream after dinner.... by myself.... :)

So. Twelve years later, and this is where we are. THICK ABDOMINAL FAT. I had to get a physical for my new job. So after doing the necessary deposits at the medical laboratory (pee and poo, kinda gross I know), I had to see this doctor. She's not really ancient looking but the years certainly show on her face. So she's asking the usual questions. Any problems with eyesight? Hemorrhoids? Headaches? Skin disease? TB? No, no, no, no and no. Then she surveys my lovely self, pats my tummy and says those three painful words.

So since that day (yesterday), I resolved that no doctor will utter those words whenever they have to describe my person. It is going to be a tough road ahead. There will always be chocolate cake and ice cream and cheesecakes that go so well with fat-full frappucinos. Oooohh the agony! But diabetes runs in the family and Dr. Sixty over here says that with the rate I'm going, I'm going to get it early. So for health's sake, I'm going to try my damndest.

Whirlwind!

It's been a whirlwind of events these past two weeks. I've been on a total of nine interviews with three different companies. I know I prayed for my life to move forward but it has been a lot to take in. For a while it was a choice between two strong contenders. Let's call them Spain and China - from the country of origin of the prominent families that own and manage these companies.

On China - well, its hard to ignore your hometown. China is a FORCE to be reckoned with - in retail, real estate, banking. There are relatives, connections, people look at you, look at your last name, who you know. Sure, a degree from one of the top universities in the country are good. But WHO do you know?

Spain, well. Spain is Spain. One of the bigger names in the Philippines, a large conglomerate. HUGE. In telecommunications, banking, real estate, retail - its literally a market! Sure, they scared me with the work. With the long hours. With working on weekends but I figured... I can take it. I think.

So yes, I took the job at/in Spain yesterday January 27, 2009. Both companies offered an opportunity to gain a wealth of experience. I am sure that I would learn and grow professionally in either company, I rationalized, made pro-con lists, but in the end, I think my gut feeling won out and the question of: "Is this what Papa would have wanted for me?"

I will try to move forward from here. No regrets. Take everything as a learning experience. All that bullcrap. Its actually difficult to think that a week from now I will be in an office environment once again. I will have to learn how everything works again, I will have to start at the bottom, again. But strangely enough, my irrational fears are overshadowed by a sense of relief and gratitude. I have a job. I will be making a steady income. I will be able to contribute to the household - to my family. The economic climate inspires a reason of panic in me and finding employment, gives me comfort.

Guess who's 24?

It was a pretty uneventful birthday, I guess I finally learned to not hype up the big B-day. I've always thought turning a year older was HUGE. I made a big deal about it. At least in my head. I make a big deal about people I consider important to me not greeting me. Or I would have a big party to celebrate. But this year, I did not make a fuss. I spent the day and most of the afternoon in SM for job interviews and IQ tests, I paid insurance premiums, I bought chocolate ice cream, I went to mass, had a fantastic Chinese buffet for dinner and coffee afterwards. It was pretty low-key, and I'm glad I spent it that way.

Baking attempt # 1 (for 2009)

That's my first attempt to bake this year. Copied straight of Yummy magazine's December 2008 issue. It's a Warm Deep-dish Chocolate Chip Cookie. I used the ingredients for cookies but baked it like brownies. :) I topped it off with chocolate and vanilla ice cream. My brother and Gino seemed to like it.

Preparation took about... 30 minutes? I had a hard time with our ancient food processor. It was one of my dad's first "we're-married-now-so-we-have-to-start-buying-appliances gifts" to my mom when they were starting out. Right after I'd put in all the flour, the damn mixer wouldn't budge. I had to fold in all the semi-sweet chocolate chips myself. Baking about 30-40 minutes to golden chewiness.

Pretty good for the first try I guess. I should make it like a monthly thing. Try cooking/baking something at least once a month. :) I'll post all successful and failed attempts here.

My Hair, My Mom

I finally received my mom's college graduation gift for me (three years late). She's always been adamant that I have my hair "relaxed" or treated. My hair was getting wavy since it's always up in a pony tail and it has been her dream that I have straight hair with bangs.

I've always had straight hair. There was a disastrous year in my life when I had curly hair. It wasn't curly-princess locks, it was curly-clown hair. Like a wig. This was also my mother's doing. She took me to the neighborhood hairdresser and had them put all these curlers in my 4 year old hair.

When I was 9 or 10, my mom also decided I needed to have my bangs trimmed. And since it was just bangs, she decided she could do it herself. We set up a chair and ready the scissors for this seemingly simple task. We take almost an hour, with her chopping off most of my bangs, leaving only less than an inch on my forehead. It had to take my dad to stop her from her cutting frenzy.

There was a decade in between where my mom let me do what I wished with my mane. I cut it chin length, shoulder-length, had it layered. Never doing more than the occasional trim. But I've never cared much for how they looked. I inherited getting gray hair young from my father's side so I started having it dyed. But still, I was in charge now.

So I give in this year, 2009. I figured, new year, new hair and decided to take her up on her offer. But I did not say yes to bangs. Not yet any way.



Thank you Mommy!

So its a new year...

Ten days into 2009, I've finally decided to make this blog. For the past year, I've been posting on stealwifiwhenyoucan.blogspot.com, which was mostly a tech blog, my obsession with free Wi-Fi and a bit of my Sweden trip last May 2008. A lot happened last year. I resigned from my job, lost my father to cancer and I've had to relocate to my home town in Cebu, Philippines.

And this is where this blog comes in.

I'll be sharing a bit about myself: my misadventures, my job hunts, adjusting back to Cebu life, my attempt at budgeting finances, my long distance relationship, my fitness goals.... the works!

I only hope I'll be more faithful to keeping the blog updated. That's another one to add to my list of resolutions. Just to end this first post, I would like to wish everyone out there a very happy new year. I am hoping that this year is going to be MY year and I wish everyone the peace, success, health and happiness that we all deserve.